Stupid college kids...

I rely on NPR for most of my legitimate news now that I have cancelled my cable subscription and no longer get to watch The Daily Show with John Stewart (Oh, how I miss my nights with Johnny). During one ritual listening to Morning Edition last week, there was a story about the increasing risk of meningitis outbreaks on college campuses. There have been mini-outbreaks regularly over the last few years at campuses across the country. Some colleges and universities are considering requiring all entering freshmen to be vaccinated against the potentially fatal illness.

The article was very clear about why this is happening -- college students are filthy. They share everything from party cups and toothbrushes to boyfriends and stolen Biology 101 midterm questions. Considering the store where I work is located right off the University of Washington campus, it quickly occurred to me that most of my coworkers and many of my young customers are probably ridden with infectious diseases.

This realization came too late to save me. NPR may have had the best intentions to warn me of the danger of working with late-teen germ factories, but I had already been struck. By the end of that business day, my lungs felt thick, my tongue was all sweaty and the little voices inside my head blamed the college kids. Damn you, College Kids!

I spent the next two and a half days paralyzed on the couch with a high fever, respiratory infection and a really bad mood. Curiously, the only thing that seemed to make me feel better was viewing "Without a Paddle", which I had forgotten to remove from my Netflix list by mistake. It arrived just in time to further confirm my suspicion that my illness had its roots on pointless adolescent humor. I slept like baby for 90 minutes, but I didn't laugh once.

Don't get me wrong - a lot of the youngun's I work with are nice kids. Some of them may even graduate and lead productive adult lives. But I have learned my lesson. As an older American (age 37) I can't keep associating with these folks without risking infection. The NPR story suggested campus vaccination campaigns, but maybe a full-on quarantine would be in order. College kids are dangerous.